Joff has come back

Sept 27

My old scholfirend Joff suddenly appeared last wek and banged on the door. 'who is that is it the police? ' angela asked.'No it isn't, I said because they don't bang like that. They just knowck firmly or smash it off its hinges if they are in a hurry or feel you are being rude.'
'Well if you say so, but they ware making me nervous anyway' and she went ansd hid in the kitchen part.
'Alrught I'm cioming ' I shouted and oped the door.
'Wehay!!!' he said with a big lugh 'Guess who it is??!
'Gosh… I said back. 'It's Joff. I've not seen yoyu for a very long time'
'Well I,m out now and back in business'
'it is good to see you again' and I smiled.
'what have you got to eat?' he asked and I heard angela make a growling noise in the kitxchen part.
'well I'm sorry joff but we haven'tanythig except for some rolls.'
'I love orlls he saisd. Have you got any bacon/'
'er.. er..
'NO' angela shouted form behind the stove. #Nlo it has all gone. All of it.'
'Hello said Joff.. Do I hear totty?'
'no it is angela' I said
'oh you sly old fox he said' 'While the cat's away, eh?' and he went behid the stove. There wasa little boing and he cam e out again rubbing his head. '***** **** Frank.. what wa that all about? Bashed me with a ****** fryingpan. Is she mad or something? Have you stated going out with a madwoman or osomething?'
'No no it is only anfgela. And somet-ines she gets a bit upset.'
'She's a ****** maniac, she is. Look my heads all swelled up,I can't get my hat on.'
'I think she is feeling tense. I said.
'oooooo I get it. Got the painters in have we love?' Hell hath no fury like a chick with the abdabs. 'Al right I forgive you' and he went round the kitchen part again.
It went very quiet for aminute but then he cam eout again, and was leading angela by the hand. She was looking very confused and hitched up her trousers with the either hand so they didn't go so baggy.
'and who is ythis lovely maiden then Frank? pPLase intrcuce us.'
'Alright. Joff this is angela and angela this is joff.'
'He took hold of her other hand as well and smiled trhat smile he keeps for new ladies. 'Whay lovely eyes he said. 'Frank you ar ea very lucky man. My son.'
'No I said.. it's all wrong. Angela is just
but she butte din'Would youlike a bacon sandwich Jeff? 'Joff' 'Joff. I think there might be just a little buit left.'
And he did another of those special smiles lie they advertise toothpaste with. 'Yuoa re too to kind.'
And anglea went all dimply, andf barged back iibto the kitchen bit.
'Actuall, Frank, I'm look ing for somewhere to stop ove for a bout two days until #i can find my feet. You don't happen to know anywhere doyou?'
I said the Seamans Mission and the Salvation Army again but angela said no they are no good because Joff isn't a sailor is he, or a Christian are you, so why don't we put him up here, I'm sre it will be oj and enough room and so forth.
'Well I odn't kb=now I said..#
'I can pay some rent if you like' said Joff, so ithought about it. A bit more rent would help u saving fund for aflat.
'joff could help out with little things couldn't he.
, like mending the wo=idnow or something.?'
'Oh yes I can mend windowds alrifht' he said and alaughed.
'Well alright I saif=d but just for two nights as you said.'
So he finished hs v=bacon roll and looked happy. And so did angela. But I wasn't sure why I was feeling a bit upty.

Tesco torouble

Septmeber 18th

Nothing much has hapened thid week again. Days just come froma bout 10 ovlock and go past in cups of tea until its time of rsome cider ior beer and a bacon sandwhich sometimes if angelas been able to find some. Actually, she quit eoften manages to find just the rigfhts ort of bacon for the best sandwiches, and enough rolls to use them all up. The only thin ig is that after the last lot on Friday she made sure I had the last one and then said 'The thing is that Lucy from tescos' wants some money.' 'What is this'? I said. 'who is Lucy and what does she want money for'?
'well she is the friend at the back of Tescos who lets me collect the bacon and rolls formt heir big skip thing.'
'That is very nice of her.'
@But now she want sto be paid a bit dfor letting me or she say she will get the manager onto me who will make me pay full pricve or set thepolice onot me for trespassing and theft and damage to company property probably as well'.
'Well she is not a firend dat all is she?' I said.
'do you like the bacon rolls @. She asked.
'You kno I do.'
'So what are you going to do? I haven't got any m,omney myself, you know whtat>'
'Well I am going to have to ghive this some thought, angela. I am saving oup for a flat, as you know.'
So she opened another bag of crips and dint offer me one. I know that thihs means she is cross about something now and she gets all mean then.
'Why don’t you get a job'> ?I ask her. But she just laughs and says 'I don't exist, remember'? How can I gut a job if I don’t even exist?' and she starts to cry with big howls and shaking her head and throw the crisps at me. She is shaking about like a pig on a trampoline which is what Dennis said last time she was having a crying fit becusse I could'nt share another blanket for her. 'Well I'm sy=ure the benefit people will help somehow'. But she just shakes her head again and howls until Jamal downstairs bangs on the cielaing with his drum sticks.
Anyway that wason Friday. Then she went out again and came vb=ack with three big yoguts which she ate all by herself which I said was very selfish andd mean but she jus huddle dibot the corner and gobbled them all down. So I don't have any dinenr and had tog o out for apie and chips.
I don't like to see angela crying becaus it make s me hurt somewhere I cant quite decide on, but what can I do? How can I ever save up for a lflat if I must give this Lucy person money for old food that is only going to pigs or something. It is very unfair.

I bought a coffee off Mr LAtif tonight which made him happy,. So I said another hale MAryf or him.

BYbye again Bloogs. Frank.

A com[puter!

September 8tth

Helloo again bloggs!
My cold has all gone now so that's much better. I fell like a proper person again, instead of a wooden one filled up with glue.
It has been aquiate good week again, because angela is getting very friendly at the back of Tescos. She borught back three ready curries last night but eh microwave is misbehaving and making loudf pulsing on and off sounds like a spaceship. The curries went crispy at the ousidfe but were still very cold int the middle. So it looked as though e couldn’t' eat them miunitl anglea athought well we can use the frying pan can't we?
So we scraped all the goo into one pan with the rice as well and cooked it up to hot on the ring. It was just enohgt for us two, and I was glad that Dennis came too lat because there wasen't enoghg really for thrree people. I don't jnow why they sayu so in the packet when it just isn'you true unl;ess you are a mouse or something, or a very large cockeroach. All he said was this ******* gaff stinks like a foreign persons armpit (he sias niother word which is not polite) and why the **** dint you keep any for me, you ******* rotten selfish ******* ********. But he didn't mind really and had a big bottle of cider to pass round and told us all aopbout how he broke someones nose for being ****** up and ******* lippy outside the queue of rthe Orange Garter nightculb where he has his job on a Friday noght.

I have bee wondering about twhat I shoul;d do with my life now. I am nealy 28 and have not achieved anyitnhg I can thin kof except stain out of prison which is better than my dad I suppose, but not musch odf the ting to put on your tomstone. Here lieth Frank Chicken, the son of Franic Chehen who spent more time in prison thano ut of it. Frank didn't though. Requiastic in pace, or RIP.
Ir would be nice to have something else to write there, like He discovered Something to cure Aids or He inivente d the worlds first sola powered mircovawe.

Anyway, I have'ent got very far because I don’t know where I can start. You always need a degree from a [restidigious university like Oxford or London even to any sort of job nowadays.
angela wouldn't help me because she was still cross w3ith me for scraping the fryingpan without offering her some.

I have some good news though bloggs. Mr LAtif has decided that I don't have any money to pay for his computers, so he has jkept an old one specially in the oxcrner I can use it for nothing as long as I prominse to buy a coffee of him every time I can afford it. It is very kind so I said a Hale Mary to him which made him shake his head like he had a wasp in his ears.
It is a very old Pc with only a little memory but it will still ,lwt me write to you Bloggs. Some of it are broken though which is wyh it is free I think. One think is the spellchucker doesn’t work evn if you keep clicking a lot. But that is not a probelm.
It is still very slow worjk typing though so I still can't write much toyou BLoogs. Anyway, that's all there is anyway.
I haven't got enough for a coffe but bought a packet of crips which I think will help.

Sleep well,, Bloogs and have happy dreams in Bloggsland unitl next time. For m your friend Frank

Late agin with a cold

Sept 2

Hello bloggs for the first time again for a fornight. It is because I haven't been well, well only for the last week really, but that is why I havnt written to you in the last few days. It isonly a silly cold but it has made me miserable all over. First my nose drips drip drip like the tap in the kitchen but not sohot and then it goes quite sore from being wet all the itme.
And my sleeve was wet too because I haven't got a hanky. Not a proper one, so angela tore a piece of one of her old teashirts which smelld of ladies and that sort of powder they do their noses with.
Then my skin went like sandpaper and rubbed everywhere it touched things and tingled and fizzed. Then the nose drips again and my eyes kept closing and sniff snig=ff sniff…

I could'nt sleep properly and kept snorting everywhere like that baby okapi did when it fell in the stream part at the zoo. You sound like a foghorn angela said. Thst is very rude thing to say, I said beause I can't help it. Sorry, she said I'll just keep my big mouth shut then shall I, and started eating crisps again, awhich is what she always does when shes nervous about something.
Alright I'm sorry, I said. I'm just feeling all bugged up and horbible with this cold and I seem to have wiped away my sence of humopur on your teashitrt, which is all wet anyway now, look.
So it was like that for three days, then it started to make me cough and hack on my chest and weeze like a bulldog. Angela made me stay in bed and went out for a long time then came ih=n again with some lemsips and cough mixture. She would'nt tell me where she got them.'
Then Dennis called in with two beers. Ithought they would cheer me up but angela had some, and anyway they didn't do the trick. Instead I just felt thicker in the head again and my eyes wanted to fall right out and my nose set like concrete which made my throat soar from brathing throught the mouth and making little kak noises to try and clear my nozzle.
Dennis though tit was very funny and kept making fun, and saying thngs like Is angela keeping you nice and ******* warm then ., you old dog? With **** like that ,you won't need earflaps on your *******nightcap wioll you eh? Har har ahr. Angela dint say anything but she wanted to hit Dennis with the fryingpan I cdould tell. She knows shes got really big **** and would like to winf the lottery so she can have lots of them removed and be like Kate Moss again..

I'm feeling quite a bit better now thankyou bloggs. Just a bit of a cough left which it keep trying not to cough all over angela with. I think she has been quite kind while I been bad. She found a new packet of bacon when I wante da bacon sandwich and two big buns as well. It si surprising what they theow out of Tescos isn’t it, I said and she nodded.
That is all the 50p is worth now. Got to go Goodbye Mr Lateef and goodbye Blofggs.