What a mess
June 26
Oh what a carry on. Not so much of a beautiful game as practising to be butchers and headbangers with a very bad attitude. Yes it was the pitched battle between the Netherlanders who really do seem to have come from the nether regions judging by their bad sportsmanship and cheating and the Portuguese who just lost it and kicked back like Ninja turtles with fur flying everywhere. Dennis came round to watch it with me and he was quite cross at it all and kept shouting about how his PINK card with fluffy laces would sort out some of them ******* poofs good and proper. He was quite keen on ramming one down the throat of Robben who kept up a stream of highwire tumbles and sham agony right from the start. Then he thought ramming it somewhere else would be better if slower.
I sometimes think Dennis takes it all too personally like when the postman gave a letter to his dog because it was snapping at him and cursing and carrying on the way Dennises dogs always do and the dog worried it to confetti and shreds then stamped on it and peed on it too. Dennis called the postman a ******* fascist ******* sod of a ******* ******-******* faggot, which is a sort of rissole and a strange thing to call someone. So the postman said he should keep a savage dog on a chain so Dennis said he was on a chain and must have chewed trough it and the postman said ******** you can't chew through chains and the Dennis said are you calling me a liar and wallop. So he had to go to court, but said very sorry first and promised to keep Satan on a proper chain next time.
It is just that he is very passionate about what he believes in, and mainly that is Fair Play, which is why he keeps savage dogs to make sure other people do Fair Play to him as well, which is how he tells me it is. And it is true that I've never seem him set Satan loose on kids in the sandpit or anything. Actually he is very nice to the kids and helps them with making castles and finding their shoes.
It is only Fair Play that makes Dennis seem so rough and barking all the time.
He had another idea last night while Portugal and Holland were doing the Somme again for us. 'Why doesn't Fifi stop some of these cheating ******* from being allowed to play? He said. The police stop hundreds of other ******* hooligans from a attending, so why don't they do the same with the players? Anyone who has chalked up more than five yellows or one red in the previous six months or whatever should have his ******* passport conferscated and have to report to the police every Saturday while the Cup is on.
So come on Fifi, what do you say to that, even if reporting to the police is a bit too far?
A bit later on he had another idea which is a good one I think. Why don't Fifi start a Fair Play cup which is given to the team who has the least yellows and reds (or PINKS Dennis keeps saying) for each hour they play in the Cup? They should give out the Fair Play Cup just before the World Cup, so everyone can see and get the message. I think it would be good if it was a big dish like the Wimbledon one, so if the Winner is best at Fair Play as well, they would get a cup with a matching saucer which would take up less room on the mantel piece. But Dennis said don't be ******* stupid it's not a ******* cup is it? It’s a trophy like hands holding up the world, not a ******* cup whatso*******ever.
Then he said the Fair Play winners should be automatically allowed through into the next World Cup finals, which would get the filthy ******* to clean up their act really quick.
AND he said the WORST team should either get a Dirty ******** Cup or just be banned from entering the next World Cup at all.
Well what do you think of that Fifi?
I know Dennis is quite rude but I think there are some good ideas there.
Why is it that the England team seem to be better at getting the ball over the net than Tim Henman can? I bet Portugal are quacking in their boots at the idea of playing England next. Dennis says he'll come round to watch it with me, but I don't think I've got the nerves, especially with Dennis. Maybe with angela.
The toast maker isn't buzzing anymore because I hit it in a special place that Dennis showed me. He has his police interview next week but won't say when.
Plus there is a big hole in my mustard and cress in the windowbox. Dennis said it wasn't him.
Oh what a carry on. Not so much of a beautiful game as practising to be butchers and headbangers with a very bad attitude. Yes it was the pitched battle between the Netherlanders who really do seem to have come from the nether regions judging by their bad sportsmanship and cheating and the Portuguese who just lost it and kicked back like Ninja turtles with fur flying everywhere. Dennis came round to watch it with me and he was quite cross at it all and kept shouting about how his PINK card with fluffy laces would sort out some of them ******* poofs good and proper. He was quite keen on ramming one down the throat of Robben who kept up a stream of highwire tumbles and sham agony right from the start. Then he thought ramming it somewhere else would be better if slower.
I sometimes think Dennis takes it all too personally like when the postman gave a letter to his dog because it was snapping at him and cursing and carrying on the way Dennises dogs always do and the dog worried it to confetti and shreds then stamped on it and peed on it too. Dennis called the postman a ******* fascist ******* sod of a ******* ******-******* faggot, which is a sort of rissole and a strange thing to call someone. So the postman said he should keep a savage dog on a chain so Dennis said he was on a chain and must have chewed trough it and the postman said ******** you can't chew through chains and the Dennis said are you calling me a liar and wallop. So he had to go to court, but said very sorry first and promised to keep Satan on a proper chain next time.
It is just that he is very passionate about what he believes in, and mainly that is Fair Play, which is why he keeps savage dogs to make sure other people do Fair Play to him as well, which is how he tells me it is. And it is true that I've never seem him set Satan loose on kids in the sandpit or anything. Actually he is very nice to the kids and helps them with making castles and finding their shoes.
It is only Fair Play that makes Dennis seem so rough and barking all the time.
He had another idea last night while Portugal and Holland were doing the Somme again for us. 'Why doesn't Fifi stop some of these cheating ******* from being allowed to play? He said. The police stop hundreds of other ******* hooligans from a attending, so why don't they do the same with the players? Anyone who has chalked up more than five yellows or one red in the previous six months or whatever should have his ******* passport conferscated and have to report to the police every Saturday while the Cup is on.
So come on Fifi, what do you say to that, even if reporting to the police is a bit too far?
A bit later on he had another idea which is a good one I think. Why don't Fifi start a Fair Play cup which is given to the team who has the least yellows and reds (or PINKS Dennis keeps saying) for each hour they play in the Cup? They should give out the Fair Play Cup just before the World Cup, so everyone can see and get the message. I think it would be good if it was a big dish like the Wimbledon one, so if the Winner is best at Fair Play as well, they would get a cup with a matching saucer which would take up less room on the mantel piece. But Dennis said don't be ******* stupid it's not a ******* cup is it? It’s a trophy like hands holding up the world, not a ******* cup whatso*******ever.
Then he said the Fair Play winners should be automatically allowed through into the next World Cup finals, which would get the filthy ******* to clean up their act really quick.
AND he said the WORST team should either get a Dirty ******** Cup or just be banned from entering the next World Cup at all.
Well what do you think of that Fifi?
I know Dennis is quite rude but I think there are some good ideas there.
Why is it that the England team seem to be better at getting the ball over the net than Tim Henman can? I bet Portugal are quacking in their boots at the idea of playing England next. Dennis says he'll come round to watch it with me, but I don't think I've got the nerves, especially with Dennis. Maybe with angela.
The toast maker isn't buzzing anymore because I hit it in a special place that Dennis showed me. He has his police interview next week but won't say when.
Plus there is a big hole in my mustard and cress in the windowbox. Dennis said it wasn't him.
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